What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
