I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
