dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
