i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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