If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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