I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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