I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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