Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
