I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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