I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
