i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
