That's when you crack a 10am beer
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
