Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize