how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
