Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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