Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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