I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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