Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
