Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
