My room smells like vodka and shame
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize