I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
