Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This is classic penis vs brain.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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