Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
