My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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