Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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