While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
