I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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