i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
