Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
