honey bunches of taint.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
