I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
