It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
