I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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