Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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