Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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