I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
