If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
