remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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