I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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