Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
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we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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