i can't believe i had my finger in that
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
In America we eat man semen.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
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new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
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it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.