Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
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I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine