I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Are my feet made of real feet?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.