we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.