i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
