Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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