Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
