You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we're making bets on your personal life
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
