Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
