i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
