What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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