I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think I am morally bankrupt
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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