She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
