I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
