Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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