I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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