think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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