do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
