I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize