Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
