A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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