Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
