Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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