Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
